'performance' development review

Aha! Just realised it is my 'performance' that is being reviewed rather than my personal development needs! A misunderstanding of the meaning of the acronym.

personal development review

Can the use of a Mac and software be regarded as 'training'? Yes, there is a great deal to be gained from having a project in progress and finding out what you need to do to achieve specific needs - but does this equate with 'proper' training. I don't think so. We need to subscribe to an online or DVD training package that will update us with new versions of software as we introduce them at UCA. And we need to be given the time during working hours to use this package. I need to document this in my pdr which, at the moment, seems totally focussed on what I can do for the course/UCA, rather than any form of personal development for myself.

after the summer

Nearly two months since my last post! The holidays flew past and now I'm back at work. Amelia started school last week. I don't know where the last 4 years went, never mind the last couple of months. 

I am trying to assess what I achieved during my research leave before the summer. Need to go back and take another look at the 'High Gabble' rough cut. I think I will use mostly still images rather than video. Pick up shots are out of the question as Mum and Dad finally completed on the sale of the house a couple of weeks ago. I am pretty sure I have enough material to make something. I also want to use some of the photographs, scribblings, bits and pieces that we rescued(?) from the house on the last visit. I am still working my way through bags and boxes stacked in my office. It is very strange looking at all these fragments of the past and I have found Mum's refusal, even anger, about wanting to have, or look at, any of this stuff, very difficult to deal with. It feels like I'm on a very lonely journey which one would normally make after the death of a parent. But perhaps the death has already taken place. Mum is so changed and different to the woman that I see smiling in many of those photos. Yet in some ways she is so much better than this time last year. I just wish she would show some sign of affection towards her grandchildren and give some indication that she enjoys life. These type of expressions are very rarely, if ever, forthcoming. It's so sad. For me, for her and for Sam and Amelia. Dad seems oblivious! 

Anyway, I digress...

I also hope to finalise arrangements with Goldsmiths for the Exposures archive, but this is something else that I need child-free time to sort out. I do not feel ready to talk to Sam about my old work yet, although I hope I can at some point in the future. Goldsmiths have asked us to make an inventory of everything we have so I will put this together over the next few weeks and then meet them with Grace Lau hopefully sometime in October. 

So - not huge progress, but small steps. One can only do so much in 12.5 days! But this year I should be able to up this time considerably in the half of the week I am not lecturing. From November when Amelia starts full time, I hope to properly reassess my aims and objectives to reach a clearer methodology as regards my research.

last visit to the family home

My brother and I  have been back to our family home for what is likely to be the last time. We worked really hard in the heat to salvage what we could of mum and dad's belongings before the BHF came and took various furniture and electricals. The buyers have said they will dispose of the rest which is a huge relief. Mum was very overwhelmed and unhappy when I took back various boxes of photos, momentos and other paraphernalia for her to sort through. She said she had wanted us to throw all this stuff away. There is not way I could bring myself to ruthlessly dispose of her memories - the lock of baby hair and so on. Now she has calmed down I think we will probably sort it together. I wonder how that will be?? I wonder if I will learn anything more about our family, her depressions and anxiety and so on.  I wonder if I could make an audio tape of these sessions...

I didn't manage to take any more images - too much work to do! I did find the 'high gable' sign that used to hang over the front door.

update on exposures archive

Good news! It seems that the Womens' Art Library at Goldsmiths are very interested in our archive material. We hope to meet in September when everyone returns from vacation. I think we should be able to get a really good collection of photographs, press cuttings and video together for them.  

cs3, final cut and research

I've spent my last two official research days following a tutorial for PhotoShop CS3. There are some new additions and changes that look quite interesting so I look forward to getting the update in the near future to try out some of these features. Last week I spent some time in Final Cut Pro trying out some ideas with the HD video I shot at my parents house. I put together some good visual sequences over a conversation between myself and the estate agent. Ultimately I think I will include many of the digitial stills that I shot as these allow for a more contemplative consideration of the piece. Trying to figure out how to change the aspect ratio of these to match the 16:9 of the video. I will be visiting my parents house for the last time next Saturday and intend to take my stills camera again. The British Heart Foundation are clearing a couple of lorry loads from the house but I am not sure that I will have the emotional or physical creative space to get to grips with any more video over there.

more pictures from paris

daniel's appartmentout the window and over the rooftopsthe thinker lost in thoughtan eiffle of the seine

delicious pastriesxxxxxxx